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What you may not know about ABA therapy

We understand that an autism diagnosis doesn’t always mean you will immediately seek out  Applied Behavior Analysis therapy or simply ABA. There is some controversy around the treatment and there are other treatment options out there. It is important to note that most of the controversy surrounds the way ABA used to be administered several decades ago. And despite the controversy, ABA is still considered the gold standard as far as treatment for children with autism and other diagnoses like ADHD, obsessive compulsive behavior, PTSD and panic disorders. 

One of the reasons that makes ABA so popular is that it’s based on the actual science of learning and behavior. And, everything our therapists do is driven by data that is collected daily during each therapy session. That way, parents are able to see actual results in graph form based on their child’s specific treatment plan. It’s an “evidence based” practice which means that ABA has passed scientific tests of its usefulness, quality and effectiveness.

You may be thinking … my child’s autism is more on the mild side so ABA isn’t for us. While that may be true, you’d be surprised at the number of things we’re able to accomplish using ABA. 

At its very core, the principle of ABA therapy is to extinguish negative behaviors and build the skills necessary for daily living. In addition to the more known areas that ABA can help with including tantrums, negative attention seeking and self injurious behaviors, there are other areas you might not realize that ABA therapy can help. 

These include:  

  • Potty training 
  • Learning how to dress independently 
  • Improving focus and attention 
  • Increasing language and communication skills 
  • Learning how to bathe and brush teeth independently 
  • Helping parents learn new strategies for parenting a child with autism 

As parents of children with autism, our end goal should be teaching our children to be as independent as possible, no matter where they may be on the spectrum. Yes, it can be so much easier to just “do it for them” when it comes to bathing, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc, we have to face the fact that we’re not going to be around forever and we’re not doing them any favors by not teaching them the skills they need to be successful. 

It takes a village to raise a child with special needs and our therapists are more than happy to work with any other providers or therapists your child may be seeing. Our goal is very basic … helping your child become the very best version of themselves. 

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Tips for dealing with your non-compliant child

Parenting a child with compliance issues requires some extra thought into how you speak to your child and specifically how you get them to comply with basic tasks like getting dressed, cleaning up, going potty, doing homework, etc. 

All instinctive language and communication skills go out the window as you need to learn specific strategies that allow you to reduce your child’s non-compliant behavior. You can set yourself up for success but it requires you retraining your brain some when it comes to how you approach certain situations. 

What do we mean by non-compliance? 

This is when a child fails to start or complete a task or follow an instruction. Non-compliance is a common trait among children with autism and something that is often addressed during ABA therapy. 

Here are a few basic tips to help with the day to day activities of parenting a non-compliant child: 

  • Don’t ask yes or no questions. More than likely the answer will always be no and you are just setting yourself up for failure. 
  • Give choices where you are happy with either being chosen. That way, they feel like they’re in control and you still get a positive outcome. 

For example, When getting dressed – “Would you like to put your shirt or your shorts on first?”, when asking them to clean up their toys – “Do you want to clean up your legos or the playdough first?” or when going potty – “Do you want to go now or would you like for me to set a timer and we can go when the timer goes off?” 

  • If you make a request, make sure you have enough time to follow through with it, otherwise, you are accidentally rewarding their non-compliance and teaching them you won’t follow through with your requests. 

For example, if you’re trying to get to an appointment or school on time and you tell your child to clean up their playroom, you may be setting yourself up for failure, depending on how compliant your child is being on that particular morning.

  • If you really need them to do something, don’t ask “will you?” “can you?”, use statements instead “It’s time to eat,” “You need to go get dressed,” or “Put your shirt on please.” 
  • If you’re approaching a non-preferred task like a haircut, start talking about it several hours before so you can talk through the steps, give them choices on how they want to begin and discuss a reward for completing the task.
  • Last but certainly not least, PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE and REWARD, REWARD, REWARD. As parents, it can be so easy to overlook the positive activities that our child performs and only focus on the negative. And remember, when you are praising your child, be specific. “I love how you got dressed so quickly.” “You did such a great job eating all of your food at breakfast.” “I’m so proud of how still you sat during your haircut today.” 

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Special needs parenting and marriage

Marriage and parenting are two things that don’t always come easy, add in parenting a child with special needs and it gets that much harder. Statistics show that marriages that include a child with special needs have a much higher divorce rate but that doesn’t have to be the case. 

Yes, it’s harder and yes, it takes even more work than other marriages but it’s worth it. The world of special needs parenting can be extremely isolating so it’s important to take advantage of the fact that you have someone on your side, part of your team, who understands your situation more than anyone else. Under any circumstances, a couple needs to be a team, this is even more true when confronted by the challenges that come with raising a special needs child. 

Here are some ways to help strengthen your marriage under the most stressful of situations. 

Learn how to communicate. Everyone has different communication styles – especially when it comes to men and women. Some process things externally and some internally. Some people catosphrosize, meaning they always assume the worst case scenario, and some people use a “Pollyanna” type coping mechanism where they block all possibilities of negative scenarios out of their head. Chances are, you and your spouse have different styles so it’s important to determine what those are in order to have effective communication. 

Once you can understand where each other are coming from, it can be easier to have those difficult conversations or make challenging decisions about your child’s future. 

Learn when to walk away. Just like with any marital spat, when you’re in the heat of the moment, we say things we don’t mean. This can be even more true when dealing with a stressful situation involving your child. Maybe you’re in disagreement about a recommended therapy, how things are going at school or how to deal with certain behavioral challenges at home, it’s OK to disagree and it’s also OK to table the discussion if it’s getting heated. Nothing will get resolved if both of you aren’t thinking rationally. 

Get help if you need it. Help is NOT a four letter word and accepting help does not show weakness. And help can come in many ways. Develop friendships with other couples who also have special needs children, say “yes” to those offers from friends and family who offer to watch your child every now and then and if you feel like things are really getting out of  control, seek professional help. Marriage counseling can be one of the best things you can do for your marriage. Sometimes it takes a neutral third party to help break down the communication barrier. Often times you may realize you’re actually on the same page, you just weren’t communicating effectively. 

Dedicate time to each other. Parenting a child with special needs can be all consuming. It can leave little time for anything else, including taking care of your marriage. Whether it’s 15 minutes at the end of the day where you sit down and talk about each of your days or a regular date (breakfast, lunch, coffee or dinner), connecting with each other is crucial. 

Make sure each of you is getting enough self-care. While time together is crucial, time apart is also important. While you likely don’t have endless amounts of time for  this, getting coffee with a friend, your husband grabbing a beer with a friend or either or both of you spending an intense 30 to 45 minutes at the gym, self care is crucial to your mental health. 

Last but not least . . . 

Find humor in as much as you can! These may not be things that anyone else would find funny but often times, there are situations when parenting a special needs child that you could either laugh or cry. Find the humor! Develop inside jokes that only the two of you understand. 

As hard as all of this is, it’s worth it and it can even strengthen your relationship. As with all seasons of life, you’ll go through hard times but if you practice these suggestions, you’ll come out that much stronger on the other side. 

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Five Language Building Activities to do Anywhere

As a special needs mom, a big part of my weekly schedule is filled with therapy appointments, which means an even bigger part of my week is filled with driving to and from those appointments. In an effort to reclaim some of the wasted time in the car, I began to build an arsenal of activities that could be done while driving. These language boosting games are not only fun, but use those long car trips to reinforce needed skills. 

  1. Press Pause. Music is a powerful tool for kids on the autism spectrum and other non-verbal disorders. The rhythm and repetitive nature of a favorite song can soothe a meltdown, but songs can also encourage speech. While playing a favorite song, press pause and encourage your child to ‘fill in the blank’ with the next words or phrases. Even reluctant talkers can be persuaded to keep singing their favorite tune.  
  2. Mystery Item.  To keep busy during the drive, I packed a basket full of toys to keep beside my son’s seat. This basket of toys is easily transitioned to a language building activity by asking my son to choose a toy and describe it to me so I could guess the item without seeing it.  Receptive language is improved as he describes the shape, color, and function of the item. He is also working on hearing my questions and answering appropriately. 
  3. Pass the Story. This is a classic childhood game that can involve the whole family while building vocabulary, listening and language.  One person starts a story and verbally shares a few lines before ‘passing’ the story to the next person to continue. My neurotypical children loved to jump in and play this game, and their participation encouraged their brother to join in the fun. 
  4. I See. A simplified version of I Spy, this game is a vocabulary boosting activity using the objects seen outside the car window. In our early language learning days, I would simply name an object that I could see, and encourage him to take a turn naming something he could see. As his language improved, I added adjectives to the items we passed. This receptive language activity allowed my son to hear some of the adjectives I used, and then practice adding descriptive words of his own. 
  5. What do you do, dear?:  One of our favorite car games was based on one of our favorite books, What Do You Say, Dear?  by Sesyle Joslin. In the book, characters learn the correct manners to use in social situations. We used the same principle to practice executive functioning skills and proper social responses in a variety of situations. For example, I would ask “What do you do when you need to get ready for bed?” As he listed the steps, he was practicing his vocabulary and planning skills.